well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
