A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The power of my boobs compel you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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