I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
