Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Redeem this text for a blowjob
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
