Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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