Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
