Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
