I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
