Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
