WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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