Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
