So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
