So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
