I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
