no, he came in my armpit
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
