Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
tell me about the fingering
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