so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
