Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
