she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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