clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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