Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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