Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
