Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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