if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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