He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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