There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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