I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
