my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
