I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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