I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
