just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
