jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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