You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i dont even know how to be here
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
