A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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