I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
