hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
