stop calling my apartment porn island.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
