Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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