yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Someone came in the potted fern
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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