He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
