is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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