On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
