I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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