Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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