Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
