I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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