you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
