I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
