I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
