I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
