Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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