Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
