I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
