after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
