I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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