fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
