I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
