your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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