When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
