Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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