would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
