At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
