So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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