Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??