shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
