Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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