woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
