Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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