Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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