Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
do herpes really smell.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
