Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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