i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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