My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize