just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize