I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
