my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I FOUND THE LEGS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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