never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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